When I saw you again, after all those years, it was such a tidal wave of emotions. I was staggered.
We ran into each other by chance outside the Student Union Building. We hugged. We talked. As we caught up with each others’ lives, I was struggling to hold myself together; I felt like I was battered by waves of emotion. I didn’t realize how much we left unfinished.
We only had a few minutes. As I drove away, I remember feeling drained. I was amazed at how intense the feelings were and how they came back instantly after so many years.
Several days later, we met again, also by coincidence. I was walking out of a grocery store while you were walking in with your parents. We didn’t have much time to talk. We arranged to have dinner together.
As we said our goodbyes, you kissed me on the cheek. You never kissed me before. You said that’s what people do in Toronto. I didn’t believe it, but I was not complaining.
We met up for supper. We talked for three hours. We talked about our old friends, we talked about our lives, I talked about my son, but we never talked about us. It was wonderful.
It felt great, but I knew it would not last. We agreed to meet up again the next time you were in town.
We had dinner again, but it didn’t last three hours this time. I started to notice the things that used to irritate me about you, and maybe you did the same.
We met one more time for lunch. That was enough. The tidal wave had passed, and I saw the debris that it left, and it wasn’t pretty.
I looked back on our on again, off again relationship over the years. At first I never made a move because you were with someone else. We were friends for years and I felt my desire for you wax and wane, ebb and flow, and the time was never right.
Eventually I just said “to heck with it” and took my shot, awkwardly, far too late. Your answer, long delayed, was very well written, and very kind. but very negative. By then I wasn’t surprised.
Sometimes things just work out for the best. I hope you feel the same way.